


My Apologies (I Wish I Was There)

by livingwithmermaids



Series: Hinting At Something Different [217]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Codependency, Episode: s01e16 Shadow, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Regrets, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 21:17:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4802507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingwithmermaids/pseuds/livingwithmermaids
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John had regrets. Everyone did, he knew that, and it helped a little, reminding him that he was human. But it also reminded him that he regrets were much worse than everyone else's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Apologies (I Wish I Was There)

**Author's Note:**

> Season 1 episode 16 Shadow

John had regrets. Everyone did, he knew that, and it helped a little. It reminded him that he was human. But it also reminded him that he regrets were much worse than everyone else's. Other people's regrets had to do with not maintaining that friendship after college, or not taking that job offer in Paris, His regrets had to do with not being there when Sam won first prize at a school science fair. He regrets had to do with letting his two boys fall in love with each other.

He didn't think it was really love. It was probably more like some psychological need to please each other and to keep each other safe. No matter what it was, it didn't change that fact that his sons were holding hands and kissing each other claiming to be in a physical and emotional relationship.

He would never disown them. He couldn't, even if he wanted to, because he needs them just as much as they needed him. They all probably had some type of unhealthy codependency with each other, but he couldn't imagine ever going to the level Sam and Dean had.

He wasn't okay with it; he'd never be okay with it. He would always have this little ball of sickness and disgust resting in his stomach when he looked at them together. But he would never ever hate them, no matter what they did. No matter how long they stayed in their relationship", he would never hate them.

His biggest regret was that he wasn't there to stop his sons from crossing that line. But sometimes he wonders if he could have done anything in the first place to prevent it.

 


End file.
